Migraines

Hiya.

Yes, I AM alive and I AM a dork for shirking my writing duties. It's been quite a month.

But without boring you with all the minor details (look at my Facebook posts if you are really wondering), I wanna talk about migraines.

I have been getting migraines for about a solid 15 years or so. I get them when the weather is yucky outside (barometric issues), I get them because I'm a girl (oh joy), I get them whenever I cry a lot (thankfully that's not too often these days) and I get them when I have any kind of stress. It all lands in my head.

I have tried every migraine medication there is. I've had an MRI. I've seen a neurologist. I've had acupuncture. I've had my eyes looked at. I've talked to my OB/GYN to help with the female ones (and as a result have been on, of all things, birth control for the past 6-7 years). I've gone to a chiropractor and have tried taking Magnesium. I've discussed them with my family doctor who has got me on a muscle relaxer that I take every night to help the muscles relax in my brain (my worst migraines are when I wake up with them and for the most part, this has helped the most). I've learned what foods trigger my migraines and have completely cut them out of my diet (bananas [didn't like those anyway] and avocados [sob, I LOVE guacamole]). I've stuck my feet in really hot water, hoping to pull the blood away from my brain (my friend does this and swears by it - it made sense to me and I was REALLY hoping it was gonna work).

I just get 'em and there isn't a hard and fast cure/fix for them. The only thing that "helps" is a really dark and cold room and sleep. All so convenient (NOT).

My mom said my Grandma Nelson got migraines that would put her out for three days. Mom said when they came on, Grandma went into her bedroom, locked the door and no one could talk to her until she emerged.

It's hereditary apparently.

I am getting a procedure done today at my OB/GYN that I hope will help somewhat. It's another form of birth control but it doesn't involve taking pills and putting a bunch of hormones in my body and it doesn't involve any kind of surgery. I was ready to get a hysterectomy if that's what it took to fix the problem, but my wonderful doctor knew I wasn't ready for something so permanent, so he found another solution. I hope and pray this is what I've been waiting for.

Anyway, THANK YOU TO EVERYONE who shares their concerns for me and have lots of suggestions and fixes. I appreciate them more than you can ever know and have tried just about anything new that was suggested to me.

I don't want anyone to feel like I'm not doing my part to get these fixed. It's all I've done for 15 years and will continue to do so as long as there is something new to try.

Love to you all and may you have a lovely and wonderful and migraine-free Thanksgiving!

Whippy!

I am a friend of the owner of Whippy Cake (yes, I AM name dropping here). Her loveliness is named Becki Crosby and she is one of the most talented people I have the pleasure of knowing.

I also know Jen Christensen. She is one of my dearest of dear friends who, 11 years ago, suffered from breast cancer. Jen is only one year older than me and that fact alone terrified me. Breast cancer is not selective. It will knock down anyone and everyone. No one is safe.

Back to Becki. Becki makes really fun things that she showcases on her Whippy Cake website. She did a special item for breast cancer awareness month and is donating 20% of her proceeds to Jen's cancer campaign.

Please buy. Little girls (and frankly big girls) love these things and it supports two girls that I love dearly. Thank you.

NOW BUY: http://whippycake.com/blog/2011/10/save-the-tatas-coming-soon/

Up!

I got weighed last night and I was UP 0.4 pounds. I have no idea how it happened, but I continue being told over and over there will always be ups as well as downs and to not get discouraged. Easier said than done, but I AM trying.

I had a doc's appointment this morning and he was pleased to see I had lost 11 pounds since the last time I saw him. When I mentioned the frustration of the SLOWNESS of losing weight, he told me I was doing it right and to only expect 1-2 pounds per MONTH. I'm hoping not that little, but it did make me feel better.

Feeling all kinds of sleeps today. Not sure why, but I can't wait to go to bed tonight. Yes, I am all kinds of a party animal on this Friday.

Loves and hugs and smiles to you all...

PS: Have you heard of the "I'm a Mormon" campaign the Church is doing? Here's my profile: http://mormon.org/me/6GMN/

Pathetic!

1.2 more pounds down equaling 12.2. It's funny to me how important that .2 is. 12.2 is SO MUCH BETTER than just 12 pounds. I'm getting weighed tomorrow and will return and report.

Now on to my pathetic-ness. In my personal prayers, I have been praying for the strength and desire and desire and desire to get my big bum moving - like in an exercise fashion. I have a treadmill that I purchased, oh, 18 months or so ago, and it sits in my music room, mocking me and teasing "my" kids to play on it and do naughty things to it to render it useless to me.

Ah, but this treadmill is tough and has survived, though it still enjoys mocking me by just staring and staring and staring at me as I watch my TV shows at night in my comfy chair.

Okay, so I gave in to said treadmill yesterday morning, when I found myself wide awake at 4:30 a.m., without the ability to go back to sleep, though I still had about an hour and a half before I REALLY had to be awake. This has happened before (I'm an early-to-bedder and when my body has had enough sleep, well, it likes to wake up) and when it has, I just pull my trusty phone onto my pillow and I look/answer emails, look at all the new Twitter and Facebook posts that have happened overnight, turn on my TV to watch the morning news, all kinds of slackering.

ANYWAY, I actually got my big booty outta that comfy bed of mine (it really is comfy, marry me and you can find out how much) and marched myself right on to that treadmill. I turned my iTunes up way loud and walked to those bee-bopping beats for a solid 20 minutes.

That's really not a whole lot for those of you who exercise with the best of them, but considering I haven't exercised in a right long time, and even when I did prior, I didn't do it long enough to stick, so honestly it's been YEARS since I've seriously exercised.

I hate sweating. Always have.

Anyway, I felt pretty good and got an early start getting ready and felt jazzed for most of the day yesterday, until the muscle aches and pains started.

Today I can hardly move. Every time I get up from my desk, I have to take a few tentative steps before I work out the kinks and the pains I'm feeling is very visible on my face.

I'm PATHETIC. I'm not being too hard on myself this time. I know I tend to do that, but this is just pathetic and I need to busta move.

If only I could walk to do so...

Woops!

Ruh roh.

I've been forgetting to blog.

It's an honest mistake. I genuinely just forgot.

I guess it's 'cause I'm not Donna Downer right now. I dunno why. I'm just good. And happy. And my FAVORITE holiday of the year is right around the corner. And a good majority of my family is coming for said holiday. THANKSGIVING! A food lover's paradise!

Um, oh, speaking of which, I lost 2.2 pounds last week. I'm down 11 pounds again. So funny, 'cause the week before when I got weighed, I had GAINED 2.2 pounds. Crazy that it was the same number. Anxious to get weighed on Thursday. I've been good, so I hope it shows on the scale!

This last weekend I was able to go to a resort in Scottsdale/Cave Creek. I book meetings for my boss and his executive team and had booked a 2-day meeting there once. Because of that I was on a VIP list and they invited me to come and stay October 7-9, all room and food charges were covered and two 50-minute spa treatments included as well as a $200 resort credit.

Um, yes please.

So I brought my pal Jen for her birthday (happy birthday tomorrow JB) and we had a most lovely time. The weather cooperated too. We had the sliding glass doors open the entire time we were in the room, except when we slept (I'm rather paranoid and didn't like the idea of an open door that a boogey man could get us - yes, Jen did laugh at me but was very accommodating). The weather was GORGEOUS. Both of us got facials and I went one step further and got acupuncture. Jury is still out on that, though I think I would like to study up on it more and have it done again.

On Sunday we checked out of the resort and went to a random ward in Scottsdale. Fun to know that the ward we went to that we knew no one was as friendly and kind as the ward both of us go to who do know us. It was a nice service that ended the weekend on a perfect note.

That's it I 'spose. Good couple of weeks. This one seems to be doing fairly well too.

How are the rest of ya? Please share...

Reactions.

Sigh.

I knew the last couple of weeks' worth of meltdowns were gonna make me pay.

They did, in the form of gaining 2.2 pounds according to the Weight Watchers scale that I stood on last night.

But that hasn't got me down. In fact this morning one of those pounds has already left and it's all downhill (in a good way) from here on out.

It's been interesting, to say the least, how people have reacted to this new, no-holds-barred me - sharing EVERYTHING. I was pretty much that way anyway, but this little tiny issue of a chemical imbalance is one that still makes people uncomfortable. Most are cool and talk easily about it with me, and even some that I don't know that well are reading this and responding in such a lovely way (got a HUGE hug from a sweet co-worker this morning - out of the blue and nothing was said).

Then there are some people (who really surprise me) who don't seem to know how to deal with me dealing with this stuff. People I thought I was close to.

Those sting a little.

I guess I shouldn't say "I thought I was close to." I'm still close to them, just not really talking about this "stuff." I have to filter myself, or at least not let it be about me when we're visiting, which everything shouldn't be about me anyway.

I'm feeling like I'm not making much sense here. Just spewing words, frustrations and reactions... Not needing affirmations from you readers out there. Just emptying my brain of thoughts that have been building up for a while.

Happy Friday ya'll!

Bugged.

I have to say, after the post I did last night, I'm feeling awfully bugged today.

Today is my 8-year anniversary with my company, Infusionsoft. I love this place, my boss, the people, the culture, the software, the managerial team, the location - everything. Besides the owners and one other fella (hi Jeremy!), I have been here the longest. I was hoping for miles and miles and piles and piles of hugs from everyone.

Nothing. Nada. Nichts.

A few verbal congratulations. A nice email or two on Monday when it was announced it was this week. But no hugs.

I really like hugs. Yes, yes I really do.

(I know. Time to get over myself. These people ARE pretty fabo...)

Hugs.

I have been in bed, literally, for two days. I've had a migraine both of those days and today I had a flu bug of sorts. AS a result, I have slept more than I've been awake. I finally feel better this evening (it's 9:30 p.m. Arizona time) and though right now is my bedtime (in fact PAST my bedtime - yes I'm OLD), I am more wide awake than I've been in the last 48 hours.

I've been wanting to write about hugs for a while. I grew up in a very loving, yet non-demonstrative home. We didn't really hug or kiss each other. We knew without any doubt whatsoever that we were loved and cherished, we just didn't show it or was really shown it.

I was never much of a hugger myself, that is until I moved to Utah and realized part of the by-laws of living there is you must become a hugger. Everyone hugs there. It was hard to get used to and I thought at the time I left Utah that I never really got used to it. But then I moved back home to Arizona and found I hugged rather easily. So it stuck.

I'm so glad it did. I love to hug and I love to be hugged. Any kind of hug is nice, but the best kind is the all-encompassing hug where my arms are fully around the person and their arms are fully around me. The kind of hug that means business.

Nothing, and I really believe that NOTHING physically comforts better than a full blown hug.

I guess I'm writing this to you to tell you I'm going become an even better hugger. I have a nephew who is on a mission right now in Fresno, California. He needs to teach classes on the proper way to hug because man alive, you KNOW he loves you and cares about you and has compassion for you just through his hugs. That really says a lot.

I want people to feel that same way when I hug them. I don't take kissing lightly (sigh, six or so years and counting) and I definitely don't take hugs lightly, but they're easier to give to more than someone you're really in to (ahem).

I love my family, my friends, my associates, my boss, his family, my company, my ward, my home teachers, my visiting teachers and just about anyone that I get to spend time with. I love easily, and that's a blessing for me. Now let me hug this love to you.

Watch out! Huggy Tara is on the loose!

Lifted.

Yesterday late morning my brother-in-law called in a little bit of a panic. My sister was out of town (6th grade camp) and he was Mr. Mom. He is self-employed and a customer needed him onsite RIGHT AWAY - in Oklahoma. He asked me if I could help and I jumped at the chance.

Today I am working from my sister's house hanging out with my namesake who I can't get enough of.

Talk about a mood lifter, even if she DID throw up right before I got here and is all stuffed up and a little warm today.

Cuddles from this critter is medicine to my soul.

What or who is the one thing that can lift your spirits more than anything/one else?

I KNOW.

Hi.

I KNOW without any doubt that I am loved. I have a ton of friends, some that I've known just about my entire life and I love them and they love me.

I have a family that is close. So close we fight at times, but we fight because we love each other and care about each other's lives and choices.

I have nieces and nephews who adore me, but more importantly I adore them. They are my lifeline.

I work with people who are absolute joys to be around.

I belong to a ward (Church) that appreciates me and my ability to lead the music every Sunday.

I have a Father in Heaven who knows who I AM and is aware of me and my challenges and my concerns and my sadnesses and I'm grateful that I can pray to Him anytime and anywhere and He does hear me. And I KNOW that He hears me.

I know I bring value to this earth, to this country, to this company, to my friends, to this family and to those around me.

Yet the sadness is there. Many times there is absolutely no reason for it. The tears start and can't seem to stop. Many times they'll eventually go away after a looooooooong tear-fest, sometimes it takes Priesthood blessings pronounced on my head to help me see clearly, sometimes all it takes is a hug and sometimes all it takes is for people to not openly show compassion to me. Yes, I said that right. Nothing, NOTHING makes me cry harder than compassion. And if I'm honest with myself, the tears are different when the compassion comes to the surface. Better tears if there are such things.

But I really, REALLY hate crying. I do too much of it lately and I especially LOATHE crying in public. Had another ugly cry at lunch yesterday, but am so lucky to work where I work that I was able to go to the first person I saw and ask for a blessing and he immediately jumped up, grabbed the first person he saw and they eased my emotions with a lovely blessing from a Father who loves me.

See, just writing that and remembering that has made the tears come to the surface again.

I know. I really REALLY do.