I KNOW.

Hi.

I KNOW without any doubt that I am loved. I have a ton of friends, some that I've known just about my entire life and I love them and they love me.

I have a family that is close. So close we fight at times, but we fight because we love each other and care about each other's lives and choices.

I have nieces and nephews who adore me, but more importantly I adore them. They are my lifeline.

I work with people who are absolute joys to be around.

I belong to a ward (Church) that appreciates me and my ability to lead the music every Sunday.

I have a Father in Heaven who knows who I AM and is aware of me and my challenges and my concerns and my sadnesses and I'm grateful that I can pray to Him anytime and anywhere and He does hear me. And I KNOW that He hears me.

I know I bring value to this earth, to this country, to this company, to my friends, to this family and to those around me.

Yet the sadness is there. Many times there is absolutely no reason for it. The tears start and can't seem to stop. Many times they'll eventually go away after a looooooooong tear-fest, sometimes it takes Priesthood blessings pronounced on my head to help me see clearly, sometimes all it takes is a hug and sometimes all it takes is for people to not openly show compassion to me. Yes, I said that right. Nothing, NOTHING makes me cry harder than compassion. And if I'm honest with myself, the tears are different when the compassion comes to the surface. Better tears if there are such things.

But I really, REALLY hate crying. I do too much of it lately and I especially LOATHE crying in public. Had another ugly cry at lunch yesterday, but am so lucky to work where I work that I was able to go to the first person I saw and ask for a blessing and he immediately jumped up, grabbed the first person he saw and they eased my emotions with a lovely blessing from a Father who loves me.

See, just writing that and remembering that has made the tears come to the surface again.

I know. I really REALLY do.